Reality Check..

OUCH my knee hurts.. while I was running this morning my knee was aching and all I could think of was how fast my 30th birthday is approaching. Before I know it Im going to be out of my twenties... where the crap has time gone. I noticed I was running fast.. then faster.. then faster, like I was running away from my 30th birthday and the images that were coming to my mind.

Pretty soon this is going to be me..

But hopefully Ill be looking at things like this...

And riding things like this..

Well I still have 6 more months till I'm 30 but its still tooooo close.

Ill keep running to try to beat age..

Wish me luck!

VALENTIMES is coming.. I love Valentimes.

(London says it with an M)

Where is my Valentime? He's missing this year.

I am going to start a song countdown untill Valentimes... Im a sucker for a good love song.

First song on the countdown... is Distance and Time by Alicia Keys. I love it! Its brings a sort of sad feeling in my heart but don't all love songs?! Thats why we like them.

I need to figure out how to get a playlist on my blog.. can anyone tell me how?

Sundance results..

The weekend at The Sundance Film Festival was a total flop.. for some reasons. It was great on an entertainment level but I was not there for entertainment, I was there to make money. No one tipped! I worked at the red carpet lounge surrounded by guards.. our phones, cameras, and all things personal were confiscated at the door and we were there for one reason only.. to pamper the stars. I don't get super star struck come to find out.. Only celebrity quests and there publicists and also Professional Athletes were allowed through the doors.. the bigger the star, the less they tipped and the more they got for free. It just didn't make sense to me and I was feeling jipped with every free manicure I was giving to the wealthy.. Not to mention, I slid off the road on the way home Friday night and paid $199.00 to get my car towed out of a snowball.. Not the weekend I had in mind.

Ingredient to Limeade: Working for O.P.I at a celebrity event is always a good add to the resume.

Speaking of slipping.. I woke up this morning (Sunday) late and didn't want to go to church but I have noticed a good change in my kids and myself since I began taking them so I drug myself out of bed and we went to church 20 min late.. Of course when you get there that late, the choice of seating is slim and the only available seats were on the front row so thats were we go. I of course can't do anything without a malfunction and today as I was going to sit down I slipped and fell... in front of everyone! I heard the giggles and I wanted to hide. My poor son was horribly embarassed but he was so cute after he saw my red face.. he said "mom don't worry, you don't need to be embarassed". The first thing he did when I actually sat in my seat was grab my phone and text his dad what had just happened. On the bright side.. 

Limeade ingredient: A friend of mine pointed out.. "at least you didn't fart while you fell". I also brought smiles and entertainment to people during church and for me that is always a much needed place for a little extra entertainment.

Tips please...

I got selected to be a manicurist for the Sundance Film Festival this year and it starts this week.. It is an O.P.I.. event not open to the public and complimentary to the stars.. Why is it that the stars get everything complimentary when they are the ones with the bucks? At events like the film festivals they walk away with free phones, clothes, makeup.. you name it and they get it for free. This year they get breezy.. I am free to the stars. I better deck out my tip jar and hope they FILL IT UP. 

Time for a change of blog..

Time to change my blogging style.. New Year=New Blog.. My ex said that "he heard" hehe.. Im portraying myself as a victim.. well he would say that since he in-fact is the ex. Either way.. its time to make LEMON AID. I'd prefer LIME AID.

I didn't set any NeW YeaRs ResOluTions this year.. I seem to forget them by early February anyway. What I want to do this year is the Spud Man Triathlon.. I am a terrible swimmer but Im really good at somehow keeping my head above water. I hear that in this particular triathlon the swim part is basically a float down the snake river, I can handle that. If not, Ill be the only one doggy paddling down the snake. Oh well, Im going for it!

For the last few days I've been trying to figure out why I have a blog. I should just write in a journal that I keep all to myself.. The few blogs I keep up on all have a purpose, some are countdown to weddings or babies, others are to keep distant family and friends updated, and then there is NieNie incredibly inspirational journey through her healing process and the sweet love story with Mr. Neilson. I could write like Carrie Bradshaws Sex and the City.. I'll call it.. Sex and the Country, or should I say Lack of Sex and the Country.. throw a few kids in the mix and then write about love. haha I don't think so! Well Im gonna find a purpose for this blog eventually. Until then.. we will see what rolls out of my thoughts and onto my blog.

Pictures from 2009

London and her princess sidekick

I think I applied sunscreen to my kids 10,000 times..

What a moment to capture.. cousins happy to be together.
At my nieces grave on her birthday.. sending balloons to heaven.
Bugs... so fun!
Another great moment to captured...

Our first 3D Experience.. Duncan in these glasses cracked me up!!
Momma and Wonders...
Trip to Mexico...
Holloween.. if you couldn't already tell:)
Road trip with Kristi..
Lily learned to ride her bike.. so proud of that girl!
Have no words for this photo besides... holy freakin cute!!!
Lily on her first day of Kindergarten...
Duncan about to take to the town after a tune up by our great neighbor Roger..
Sending more balloons to heaven on Nicks birthday.. Duncan didn't want to leave out his lizard we lost this year so a balloon or two went to Peter the Lizard.

Posing for a painting..

2nd to last..

The picture below is me straight out of bed.. no judging. Also don't mind the chocolate on my sleep from the chocolate fountain from the night before.

January to December.. 2009.

Are you prepared? its been a wild year..

Made new years resolutions to drink more water, say more prayer, have more patience, save more money, smile. Still wanting to drink more water, say more prayers, have more patience and save more money. I smiled a lot this year... I frowned a lot this year. I cried tears of happiness and many of sadness... never of pain {I yell bad words when Im hurt instead}.. maybe a tear or two of pain. I found out I am the ONLY one who decides my fait! I lived a lot, I loved a lot and yes.. I danced a lot.. a little on nights out I am choosing to forget and a little dancing I hope to never forget.. with my 2 little girls to Miley Cirus "Party in the U.S.A".. Put your hands up their playin my song, butterfly fly away... best song ever! I ran ran ran my little heart out and rocked the RAGNAR.. "I know I can, I know I can... I knew I could" the next thing I knew was that I was at the top of a mountain and handing off the baton. Our team was made up of a few hot mammas and 2 male comedians with a mega-phone, and my bestest friend Maleah {I don't remember running as much as I remember laughing}. I ended every night kissing my kids goodnight.. no matter how good or bad life is sometime, as long as my night ends singing my kids goodnight, I know Im doing ok. Said goodbye for now to Grandparents and welcomed new life into the family. Loved someone and lost someone.. heaven gained an Angel. Drove through the McDonalds drive through approxametly 4,899 times. Broke my addiction to Dr. P and gained an addiction to Rockstar.. so much worse! Felt empty inside and I felt lost, I surrendered and now I feel full. Continue growing my business "Paint My Piggies".. and let me tell ya.. piggies around this town are lookin good! Took a trip to mexico with friends. Took a trip to Moab with the kids. I sang and always do sing my heart out in my car. Lily informed me that her singing is better than mine. Duncan learned to read like a little einstein. Lily became a big brave girl that goes to school without crying and London... she's still the roughest and the toughest! Had to spend a few holidays without my kids.. a crappy part of divorce. We spent Christmas together and thats the most important holiday to me.. watched as these innocent sweet beings left milk and cookies for Santa and grain for the reindeer, I kinda felt guilty.. I lied straight through my teeth when they asked curios questions about how Santa was going to get in our house since we didn't have a fireplace. Put them to bed and sang them Christmas carols and after I knew they were asleep I sat at the kitchen table and cried for a minute.. doing Christmas alone is not easy. Woke up the next morning {Christmas Morning} and watched little eyes light up and held back tears of happiness... There is nothing better than seeing joy in the eyes of little Children and that is what Christmas is all about. We had a great morning and made special memories together, just me and them. Life is good.. Merry Christmas!

The turkey...

Now I have to tell you all about this turkey.. its gonna sound weird Im sure.

I was born in Utah and just by saying that tells you that Im most likely Mormon.. yes i am. I grew up going to church and living the "typical" Mormon life and before I go on.. I am so very grateful for the foundation it created.

I have never been a big fan of going to church. I feel like I have always felt the spirit in my heart and listen and followed.. sometimes not followed but I consider myself spiritual and have felt like being a good loving kind human being is more important than what religion I might be or anyone else for that matter. Growing up I always depended on my parents testimony and I didn't realize it until I got older and things in my life and in my family changed and I learned to depend on myself. I haven't had much luck with the male species.. now I like to blame them but I am now wondering if its the man picker in me, its off I think. Men in and out of the "church" seem to disappear from my life one way or another.. those that carry the priesthood I see just walk away from their families.. death comes to all but to some it comes too soon. Seems to have all happened to me in the last 2 years, and my heart hardened toward God.

I spent the last week in Mexico laying out for hours everyday and I had a lot of time to think.. I was going over the last 2 years in my head and WOW! I don't know how I survived but I did. There is just one thing missing. I need to trust god and the priesthood and men again, I want to get back to my roots I decided.

Ok now the turkey..

I get home from Mexico and not long after I shut the back door behind me, someone knocked on my front door. I go answere my door and I see 2 men holding a Turkey. It was men from my church and you know what immediatley came to my head when I saw them.. there are 2 men that hold the priesthood and they are at my door bringing me a turkey. I know I stared at them for 30 seconds before a word came out of my mouth.. Because it was 2 priesthood holding men I took it as an answer to everything that was on my mind. It is true.. I need to trust God again and the turkey was a huge start.

Who dropped a bomb in my juicy?

I love handbags.. My favorite brand in handbags are juicy, MK and of course.. always coach! I wear my bags into the ground. I go from one to the other and just rotate the few nice ones that hold up against the thrash of Bri and if Im lucky, every now and then I get to add one to my rotation. I go for months without switching bags and I am going to show you what decides when it is time to rotate.. Today is rotation day!!

Because... they get so messy I can't find a freaking thing.. I dig for 10 min for my chap stick and 10 min for gum and 10 more for my phone and dont even ask how long I dig for my keys! Why not just clean them out??? I don't know.. I ask myself the same thing. They eventually get cleaned out, only when the last bag looks the same as the others and I have non left to use..

You know those people who just have their crap together and everything is organized.. I want to be one of them! I just never will be though... this picture of my purse is really a picture of me. My house is clean.. just don't open a

drawer. But hey.. the advantage to a purse like this is Ive got just about every random thing you need. Tape, q-tips, a fruit snack.. you want it, I got it.

SO CUTE!!

I have to share this picture.... It is my friends nephew and just as precious as ever!

A little bittersweet!

I went to church today for the first time in FOREVER, I had MLB gameday running on my iphone so it wasn't so bad. And the Angels sweep the Sox!!

Church.. why is it so hard for me to sit there?

Speaking of the Angels.. Nick is a happy one right now!

One night Nick and I, a couple of my friends, Jared Weaver and Ben sat at a sushi place called Sting Ray.. Nick ordered one of everything I swear and we sat there forever talking and laughing.

Jared "what would you do if there were a fire here right now?"

Me "Well since we are sitting outside on street level, it would be easy to not get trapped"

We were all so confused at his question

Jared "I would push the red button on the ceiling"

All 6 of us look up

Nick "I don't see a red button"

Jared "Well its right there"

All 6 of us still looking up again and Jared laughed..

That was the most random trick ever played on me!

We finished dinner and all went and hungout at a place called American Junkies.. Nick was so happy that night, he was leaving for LA the next morning to start for the Angels.. Anyone who knew him, knew how goofy he was sometimes. He and I left Junkies that night and he was skipping down the road to the cab.. when we got out of the cab he paid and did his funny run towards the door of the condo and jumped or I should say fell over the bushes that were in the way of his direct rout to the door.. haha

A week later I was standing at Nicks grave.. I stood there and cried and couldn't get myself to walk away from it.. I couldn't imagine leaving him there. My heart was so broken.

When the Angels were in Arizona playing the Diamondbacks earlier this season, I happened to be sitting at Happy Sumo having sushi at the Gateway in Utah and I get a text.

Jared "I am sitting at Sting Ray in Arizona right now"

Me "Really? oh sad! well if there's a fire.. just push the red button on the ceiling"

Jared "Haha.. you remember"

Me "Of course I remember"

It's neat to me to watch Nicks friends on tv play and win.. but its also really depressing! I think its so great how the Angels have made this entire season a tribute to Nick.. They are a team full of class. Who couldn't be an Angels fan now?!

I was sitting at dinner with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago and she said "You might not want to hear this but I need to say it.. you need to get over Nick! I understand its been hard but you are pushing everyone away, including me and I am your best friend"

No one tells you how to get over a divorce or a death.. especially not one right after the other. It's not exactly easy when stories about Nick are still all over the TV and Newspaper.. The Nick in the news seems like a stranger to me.. I miss the Nick that sat down next to me a year and a half ago and talked to me like he had known me forever. It was my first night out with my friends since my divorce was final and his first night in Utah.. By the end of the night he convinced me to give him a kiss on the cheek but he turned his head and I accidentally kissed him on the lips.. haha. His room was so messy it was scary and he was so frustratingly "chill" that it was impossible for him to make a plan ahead of time. It's the Nick that made me open up my mind and heart to the world again.. thats who I miss!

GO ANGELS!!!!

Wonderoo.....

It's pictures and moments like this that make me smile..

I found my phone behind the couch after a half hour of looking for it and when I turned it on this is what I saw..

Hmmm I wonder who was playing with my phone?

Playdoh hearing aid....

When we went to Moab last weekend we went some friends that I met a couple months ago.. They are such a cute family! The dad and 2 out of 3 daughters have had hearing loss since birth as well as one of the other friends daughters that went.. and so they wear hearing aids. Duncan LOVED hanging out with Jake (the dad). He followed him around all weekend and called him his buddy... he talked and talked and talked to him without ever realizing he probably wasn't hearing anything he was saying.

Today at school Duncan had to have Playdoh taken out of his ear after he had put it there as a hearing aid..

Kids Rock!!

Some people really suck!!!

I took the kids to Moab this weekend.. ummm don't suggest doing that without a man to do the dirty work. Lets see.. Took an hour to figure out how to set up the tent, broke my cooler, got a $120 parking ticket(which I am going to fight) for rolling over tumble weeds as I parked (damn national park patrols.. the tumble weeds don't add to the beauty of the arches) apparently I crushed nature.. geeze. I drove off with the back of my car open and my stuff fell out which gave the neighbor campers a good laugh, and my flashlight only worked during the day and not at night hmmmm.. Glad I went with friends that had a camper and a husband I could burrow every now and then(that didn't sound right)...

DON'T YOU MESS WITH MY CUB!!!

We took a hike to delicate arch, it was beautiful. Duncan wanted to go stand under it because he remembers seeing a picture of Dave and I under it.. he and I ran down there and I let him play on the rocks near the arch for a bit. I hear some dude talking to my kid so I listen and hear this.. "you been on dat rock for ten minute, i try to take a photo and you not move. I don't want picture of you, i not care about you, I not give a shit about u."

Wa-wa-what did he just say to my kid? Oh no he didn't!

I ran my ass over to him and got right in this foreigners face and said "Don't you EVER talk to my son like that.. who do you think you are?"

He said "I want a photo and he not move".

"Well excuse my six year old.. and how old are you??" and at this point the dude is walking off with his hands in the air.. "Ya you better walk" I said.

There were people standing around that couldn't believe what he said to Duncan but of course didn't express it until they see me about throw this guy over the edge and they all made a little comment to him. What was the problem with their mouths as the this man was yelling at my child?? seriously.. I don't care who you are.. if you are getting bullied, I got your back!

Some people really suck!

Lauri was a friend we were with and when I told her about it, her husband had to hold her back.

You don't mess with MOMMA BEAERS!!!

I will mention how freakin cute my kid is though... as we were walking on a steep slanted rock to get to the arch Duncan looks at me and said "Mom can you walk on the other side of me because incase you fall I can catch you". He wanted me on the inside so he was on the dangerous side.. Aaaahhh he is a babe!

I wish I knew just what to say to you...

I don't have answers for anyone because I think all situations in life, as similar to anothers as they may seem.. are always unique. Being surprised with unwanted news and events that turns your world as you know it completely upside down, is never something we instantly know how to deal with. The other day I was having a conversation with a guy who said a lot of things that stuck with me.. One is that no matter what we are dealing with, no one can ever take away our freedom of choice. Most of the time we don't choose what happens to us but we choose how we react and handle the situation. I have not always handled situations the way I look back and wish I would have (hardly ever do I look back and not want to change something) but I learned from it and I move on and try harder the next time. Ive learned over the last year or so that the more chill I am about the situation, the more I get what I want.

When my ex and I split up, I was heart broken over the reasons why. I could feel myself dying, and I literally thought I might. I used my words to try to hurt him back, it didn't work! I just got hurtful words back that made things so much harder on myself. It took a long time but the second I decided to be happy and move on with my life, I got the reaction from him I had been looking for, I finally saw sadness in his eyes. A functional relationship started to form and for once I could see that he finally knew he screwed up. To0 late!! I had finally found comfort in being alone and he could see it. I got all the apologies and tears of regret from him I ever wanted. It has changed the way I see relationships of all kinds and if I thought for a minute that I was safe back in that relationship, Id go for it.. Many clients have sat at my desk and listened me have conversations with my ex about our kids schedule, money etc.. and the second I hang up they say "that is awesome you guys can talk to each other like that". Its not always that way believe me and it takes time to get there... I have my moment thats for sure! But all things aside.. I know that when my kids are older, I want MORE THAN ANYTHING, for them to look back and be able to see that although the marriage didn't work... we put problems aside and got along for them.

We all have strength.. I have no more than anyone else.. you just gotta dig in and find it!

"When the evening rolls around, I go on home and lay my body down.. And when the morning light comes streamin it, I get up and do it again." - Jackson Browne

I love the emails and facebook messages I have been getting about my posts.. so feel free to keep 'em coming..

briannesitterud@mac.com

Falling for fall..

It is soooo pretty outside! I realize I take where I live for granted a lot because its what Ive always known.. When you see things everyday you tend to see through the beauty and its becomes just plain regular(I think we do that with many things in our lives). A friend and I drove up and over the mountain past Cascade Springs then down into American Fork Canyon yesterday.. I also made the same drive twice last week so its safe to say Im a little obsessed with fall. We hiked up to timp cave and took the little guided tour through it since he had never done it before. There are so many different people from near and far that come to see our Utah mountains.. we passed people who live local and some that lived in places as far as Switzerland and Korea... also our tour guide said she grew up "inside the cave". Not sure that I believe her :0)

I think we are a good week or 2 until all the leaves are changed and the color is at its prime.. The best is still yet to come. Its just a shame that Winter follows Fall!

I'm fearless..

Do any of you read "NieNie"? It's amazing and I highly suggest reading her blog.

Tears come to my eyes every time I tune into "NieNie". She was in a airplane accident with her husband and they both survived but were badly burned. NieNie was burned over most of her body and much of her posting has to do with having to find herself again... she is the same women she has always been yet she doesn't recognize the women in the mirror. When she looks at her kids she remember the reason for her mortal existence. One post that has always stuck with me was a picture of her toes.. that is all she wanted to show. Day by day and post by post she has revealed more of her and her husband and recently there was a photo of their faces.. Her pictures and words are so inspiring.

I have no idea the extent of what they must deal with everyday of their lives.. I think all of us are emotionally or physically scarred due to this world we live in, some more than others.

I know that sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't see what others see.. I see what I feel inside and sometimes all I want to show are my toes too. Hopefully we can do what NieNie does and look at what the reasons for our mortal existence are and be glad to be alive.. I know what mine are. First is my kids.. they are my life present and future and because of choices made by another these sweet little things have to start life at such a young age with some scarring.. It is not easy for kids to go through divorce.. It's not easy on anyone but to me what matters most is them. I know I have to heal and function and be happy for them. I have done a pretty good job. Oh boy do I hope they will look back and say the same thing.

Second is me... I exist to be me. To live, to love and to help others.

Third is for the someone whom I have yet to find...

Have you ever listened to Colbie Caillat? She is my Fav!! her new album is sooooooo good!

I love the lyrics to her song "Fearless"

If it's between love and losing

to never have known the feeling

and I'm still sad we've loved

and if I end up lonely

at least I will be there knowing

I believe in love.

Go on, go on break my heart

I'll be ok

I'm fearless, better believe I'm fearless

Theres nothing you can do to me

thats ever gonna burn me.

Im fearless.

My 3...

We were playing in a water fountain downtown Salt Lake City.

Stupid Girls!!!

So just some random thought today... Im reading this book a friend gave me called "Why men marry bitches" It is good and funny!!! (Don't judge me.. I have no Cablel TV) I just have a few things to say about it.. In one chapter its telling girls not to be too easy so it keeps the man interested. When it says not to sleep with a guy on the first date.. FOR REAL???? If you need to be told that then you should be reading a different self help book.. how about "How not to be a stupid girl!" My thought was.. if a guy tries to sleep with you on a first date then kick him in the balls and change his name in your contact list to "DONT ANSWER!!"

I will say.. Dating is confusing. You don't show interest and they are all over.. you show interest and they are gone??? I give up! Im not gonna change "me" to "catch and keep" a guy (as the book basically tells you to do). If I like you Ill contact you.. If I don't then I won't! Why doesn't everyone just do that and the confusion would be gone.. simple as that.

You know how many times I'v been asked if Im going to get a boob job now that I'm single.. ????? I like my boobs the way they are (ok a tiny lie.. a little bigger would be nice). Ive never felt the need to change that part of me so why do it..

I find it insane that the girls these days think that big boobs and less clothing will catch the guy. I think its sexy to show a little peekaboo here and there but make him wonder what's under there. Ok enough on the dating frustration!!

Up and at em again...

I got an email about a week ago that caught me by surprise and completely made my day... It said " I stumbled across your blog and read it top to bottom.. It is refreshing to read stuff when it is real, and not just stuck out there for everyone to read what a perfect life you are trying to portray.  Thanks for putting your blog out there." 

I have thought about that a lot since and you see on my profile how it says I have been a blogger since 2007.. well I thought about it in 2007 and started reading about everyones "perfect lives" and decided not to blog because I was going through a divorce and couldn't post the "perfect life". How sad that I thought that.. so in 2009, in April when I made my first real post.. i was posting about everything but my "perfect life"..  A divorce, a tragic loss of a friend whom I cared about, and my little life as a single mom. The more I write the more I see that what is the "perfect life"?  Just because Im not posting pics of my husband snuggling my baby or talking about evening walks as a family doesn't mean its not "perfect". I have a good job, the greatest kids, and friends and family that rock!! What else could one ask for.

Thanks for the positive responses to my blog. I will continue to post about my "less the perfect" yet happy life.

Temporarily out of order...

I moved and my Internet is not working at the house yet so my blogging is temporarily out of order... I have a lot on my mind so keep checking back. Ill post a random pic with this message just for the fun of it!

Nothing like my sweet baby lovin life in a messy toy room with underwear on her head.. haha
(she was 2 in this picture.. she just had her 4th birthday)

32/34

The Kids and I... 24th of July celebration at the baseball field. We went through the dugout and watched the fireworks from the infield.. I have great friends!

My Babies...

We all wish money grew on a tree, unfortunately it doesn't. What about patients.. right now I wish that grew on a tree. I guess technically you can get patients in a bottle right... the chill pill?! I get home from work worn out and feeling emotionally tired from worrying about my kids with a sitter all day. Lucky for me, my kids are only with other family members while I work but it is still so hard to leave them.. Look at those kids.. they are amazing and beautiful and I love them, they are my babies. 

Ting Tings of SLC (watch it on youtube).

What do I do while my kids are away with their dad??? a lot of people ask me that question and I usually can't come up with anything specific. Usually I have a main squeeze (not boyfriend.... never boyfriend! Why does that word scare me??) that I usually hang with but as of the last couple weeks I have hit a real dry spell. I am done spending my few hours a week of free time with guys I don't really absolutely LOVE investing my time in so I stopped... well that left me with hmmmmmm no one. (I hope hope hope what I just said doesn't put me in a whole I have to dig myself out of with someone)

I finally have an answer to the question everyone asks. The first long weekend I've had without my kids.. I created this blog and holy hell did that ever get me into some trouble with my ex by the end of my weekend(it's probably going to again).. I wrote a post that didn't go over well but hey.. it was the truth. I had a few mix ups on my facts though, I said he met his girlfriend while she was prego.. I thought that was a true fact because he did date a pregnant girl when we separated, it just isn't his current girlfriend.. it was another prego girl... OOOOPS MY BAD!

The latest long weekend without my kids I became the manager/video producer of a pOp GroUp call Ting Tings of SLC.. We made a sweeeeet video that was a hit on youtube.. to our friends, boyfriends, husbands anyway. We have almost beat out the "getting to know the BEES" video and its been up a year and ours has been up a few days... sorry boys, your wives are way more popular. So this is what the girls do while their husbands are on the road playing baseball and what I do when my kids are out of town... Ill admit I was a little embarrassed to hear that by the end of the night we produced this video that the whole team and coaches had already watched it.. Candice.. Lindsay.. and Darcy rocked it! Myla and I made it possible..

The truth is I usually work when they are gone and am somewhat responsible.. but here are a few pics from one eventful night of good fun..

No sweeter ending..

You know when you wake up in the morning and you clearly remember your dreams from that night and then all day long you can't stop thinking about them.. I remember in High School I would have these dreams about this girl that made it clear she had a crush on my boyfriend and I would wake up so mad at her I wanted to kick her in the shins all day.. That happened to me last night.. I've fought back the tears all day because of my dreams last night so now I am making a emotional post that I am going to want to delete in the morning.. I know it! 

I don't know what it is about this certain place I like to go but it seems like I have some of my best moments there.. (outside of my "mommy moments" of corse) 

It's where my "angel on the mound" story/post began and now it is where it ended.. I was sitting with some friends when a guy I recognized came and sat down by me and asked if I remembered him, I said yes as I realized who he was... He was visiting for a while from LA last year when I met him and I remember him telling me he had heard all about me.. Obviously whatever he had heard had come from Nick. I decided I'd leave it at that, i didn't want to know what he had said. On this particular night just this past month he was here visiting from LA again and he told me he had something very special to tell me, he said "when he told me about you he said you were the most wonderful damned girl of his life".  To me... it couldn't be a sweeter ending considering that Nick was hit and killed by a drunk driver almost 4 months ago.

Although we meet people through out our life that we know are only there temporarily... they are there for a reason. I always said I wouldn't end up with Nick.. he was just entering the beginning of his life.. or I guess I should say he was just entering his dream and I knew that.. He had the whole world at his fingertips... I knew I couldn't be a part of it for long so enjoy it while it lasted.. I always felt like I had all this love stored up for him that I would never be able to give him.. I'm talking about the kind of love you have for someone that you want them to take flight and be the best and for them to know they're the best and live the most amazing life even if it doesn't include you.. 

Aside from that, these past 2 years I have learned so much about LOVE.. It is what we all want yet it is also what hurts us the most.. It's the kind of feeling that even if the love ends in a painful way that you would never undo it because you felt LOVE.. It is something we take for granted.. There is only one better feeling then knowing someone loves you and that is the feeling of loving someone else.. 

I look back and can recognize moment where I took it for granted.. I wish I could take those moments back, but I can't so now... I look to the future and recognize now, that I have so much to look forward to... EVEN IF I AM TURNING 29 ON SUNDAY AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Backyard camp out....

Yesterday evening was a great one.. The kids and I went to my friends house with a couple other girls and their kids and we all had a camp out... tents and all. The camp out included a beautiful campfire run by gas and a hot tub, sparklers for the kids, a bbq and good food. We were really roughing it! There is nothing better then watching my kids climbing on rocks, looking for bugs and having fun outside in fresh air. 

 3 out of 4 of us are single mothers and the one thats not.. her husband got the heck out of there! This single mother thing is becoming an epidemic.. I hate being a part of the club. 

I miss my family, I miss my house, I miss playing outside with the kids waiting for daddy to come home, I miss my complete family! I tell myself that it's better this way but sometime when I'm feeling sorry for myself, it's hard not to think that I could put up and deal with the reasons we got divorced just so we were a complete family. I know better but there are moments where I want to let go of my strength and just be weak.. 

I don't want to do it alone! The way it's looking so far.. I just might be, pickins are slim for a mother of 3 but I will never settle! I am strong. Like I always tell myself.. "True strength comes from within, not from a gym. I can do anything!". I love my Kids.

I love what I do...

Here are a few photos of a wedding I planned a decorated.. I love making things pretty. My passion is Home design and decor.. I LOVE IT! I attended the Interior Design Institute in Newport Beach, CA. I love making things pretty and helping others make things pretty...

Currently I have a little business called Paint My Piggies.. (I do nails) I love my job! I have so many great clients who I also call my friends.. During this economic crisis my business has stayed busy and I consider that a blessing. Need any design tips or just a cute set of nails... Im here :)

"Hyde" couldn't "Hide"

July 4, 2009

A great day to watch baseball... I was headed to the BEES game that night to relax and watch some fireworks. I'm spoiled with tickets from a friend who plays so my seats are always above home plate along with other friends and family and those players who aren't playing that night. I've met some great girls who are there to watch their husbands play so next to them was where my friend and I were planning on sitting. I get my tickets from Will Call and we see that our seats are a few rows away from the normal spot we sit so we decide once the games been going for a while then we will move to empty seats next to the other girls.

You can't sit at a ball game with out cotton candy and a drink so we stock up and go find our seat.. we just so happen to be seated with all the guys that aren't playing that night and are taking stats. We are staring at the speed guns they use to clock each pitch and at the same time trying to keep our heads out of the way of the gun that is poking just between our two heads far enough up that i catch a glimpse of it every 30 seconds out of the corner of my eye.. the whole time I'm hearing "88" "91" "89" "92" etc.. etc.. etc.. 

A few minutes into the game, I notice everyone is staring in my direction. I wipe my face with my hand and look down to make sure I don't have something stuck to me or out of place that everyone is looking at and then I realize they are staring at the curly haired kid sitting by me.. so I stare for a second. It's Hyde from That 70's Show.. "Oh hey Danny.. this is gonna be entertaining sitting by you"  I said.  Oh entertaining to say the least.. 12 inning into the game (yes 12!!! meaning about 4 hours) it becomes obnoxious. Not only am I dodging the speed clock guns (or whatever they're called) but I have kids climbing over my lap to get a photo with "Hyde". Every 2 minutes someone walked up and said "Are you Hyde from That 70's Show?" or someone was asking for an autograph or taking photos with their cell phones as they walked by. Lets not forget the mysterious liquid that spilled from the section above us directly into my friends hair..I don't know how Danny goes anywhere?! I imagine my 15 minutes of fame that we all dream of and then I think back on the 4 hours of watching "Hyde" get harassed and that 15 minutes doesn't sound so fun after all. He handled it very well of course.. that kind of thing comes along with his rewarding and glamorous job. He did tell me to flash gang signs to scare them away but I don't know any.

The girls ended up finding empty seats next to us a couple innings into the game, right in the middle of the action! Needless to say.. we all had a very fun night of "Baseball.. Fireworks.. and Fame".

Lessons learned....

I learned today that blogs spread like wildfire.. I thought I had "just another blog". Apparently by morning my post from last night had caused a stir. I need to make a correction. First of all this blog is based on my life, not necessarily fact for fact (except my "Angel on the mound" post, that was fact for fact).. they didn't drive into my driveway but a gas station driveway..  I have changed a few things in my last post but the truth will always remain... 

One thing will never change....

"Just don't let her mother them" is what I said to my ex husband as he pulled out of the driveway with our three kids and his new girlfriend... and her 7 month old baby?! They were headed to a family reunion of his in Star Valley, Wyoming. 

As the car with my Ex.. his girfriend and her baby.. and my three kids.. drives away, my heart fell to the floor. My one fear in life is ever loosing my children.. not just to death.. but to anything including to someone else. I know I'll always be my son and daughters mother and nothing and no one can ever change that.. but at the time I felt such a loneliness as they drove away.. I felt worlds apart from them and it scared me. I have faith that all I can do is create a stable home full of a Mothers Love and that will always be enough. 

As that car pulled back up the driveway and my three kids got out of that car and ran to me.. I felt happiness and pure relief to say the least.. We belong together and four days apart was way to long.. Them leaving for days at a time will happen often given the situation and because infact we are a "Broken" family.. but one thing will never change and that is the heaven sent truth that... I AM THEIR MOTHER!!!

Scroll down..

On a more personal note.. Read my first couple posts. They are buried behind all these great photos.

A look into my life...

I wont normally post this many photos at once but Ill start off with a little look into my family. Some are Me.. how I dream of dressing more often and the impression I could give off as I walk down the street or when someone drops by my home unexpectedly.. as if I slept with a sleeping princess mask on and got a full nights rest without interruption. Really??? i wish.. take a look at the next photo and you'll see the real me. OK so those photos are at the extreme end of each spectrum.. Im usually somewhere in the middle. 

The photos of my kids are priceless to me.. some are more recent then others but each picture shows a little of their personality.. London for instance.. the day she walked and the distructive  

look on her face.. the more recent ones of her smothered in makeup and one of her peacefully sleeping because that is the only times I can take a good look at her beautiful face.. she is my little wild child.. my free spirit.. she is her mothers daughter. Enjoy!

My potential...

Lets be honest here.. Im a mother of 3 and they were all born during a 2 year span.. Nope no twins, cut me some slack:0)

London...

Lily...

Duncan..

Photos of me and my three...

Here is a little look into our life.. 

An Angel On The Mound... And In My Life!

SOoo I know I said I was really excited to join the Blogger family and then didn't post again untill now.. only 6 months :0) thats about the typical time between post for most bloggers right?! Anyhow.. I am excited to be back.

Tonight I went to dinner with 2 girls.. Candice Coon and Lori Wilson ;0) and then Darcy joined us later in the evening. I was a little nervous to begin with.. given the way Candice and I met, I have always cared about what she would think about me once we met in person.

Candice is Brad Coons wife.. Brad Coon was Nick Adenharts best friend... I dated Nick Adenhart all last baseball season. Brad and Nick are both baseball player for the Las Angeles Angels organization.. They both played for the Salt Lake BEES, the Angels triple A affiliate last season both awaiting the call.. Nick was a pitcher.. Brad is an outfielder.. both amazing players! For the most part you didn't see one with out the other with the exception of the month or so Brad spent rehabilitating an injury... as childish as it sounds, they were BFF's Best Friends Forever! Not far into the 2008 season, Nick got the call.. he made his major league debut May 5th 2008 at the young age of 21.. Incredible!!! Nerves got the best of him and he struggled while he was up there and soon came back to the BEES.. He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, he came back as his normal infectious lovable self but couldn't quit recover and ended the season as low as he had been in a long long time..  9-13 5.76 ERA

As you all may know and the few that don't, Nick made an AMAZING comeback. He pitched a killer spring training and made the Angels starting rotation and would go straight to Anaheim from Arizona to begin the 2009 season as a major league STARTING PITCHER at the age of 22.. Amazing! 

Thursday late morning on April 3rd... I kiss him goodbye...

Wednesday April 8th Nick Adenhart is the starting pitcher against the Oakland A's for his major league season debut. Ironically enough, Nick pitched against the Oakland A's for his first major league debut.. in which it was not a great game to say the least. As I started to watch the game that night I wondered if it would be disturbing to Nick as he is trying to make a standout second impression.. to be pitching against the same team where he didn't exactly make his dream first impression.. I wondered if it would mess with his mind and screw up his second chance. Wow did he ever prove that he had learned and can achieve "rising above"... he pitched a shutout 6 innings that night.. 60+ of his 90+ pitches were in the strike zone... and to top it all off with the cherry, his dad was in the stands. Nick was an angel on the mound that night. I hear and don't quote me.. as he walked into the clubhouse from the dugout he was greeted with the words he had worked his whole life to hear.. "Welcome to the big leagues" 

As life sometime takes the most unexpected turns.. Nick was killed that night only a few short hours after he walked off the mound. Nick a 3 friends were headed out to celebrate his "arrival" and the car they were riding in was hit by a drunk driver that ran a red light.. 3 out of the 4 in the vehicle were killed.. Nick Adenhart being one of them. Some call it a tragedy.. I say that word doesn't even begin to describe it. 

My first post (back when the new year began) said that I was excited to say goodbye to the past year and start a new one because it seemed that last year was a year of life changing events that weren't exactly prime or opportune and a new one felt like a new start.. My new year didn't exactly go as bright and shiny as I was hoping given the fact that I lost someone special to me.. I can look at it as a huge loss and feel sorry for myself or I can look at it like this...

A gift..

Nick came into my life during a time I needed "a gift" the most. That night and every day and night after I tried to convince myself he was a good "friend" a "summer fling" but the truth is.. I fell! He lifted my head out of a dark cloud and I saw the light again.. I felt feelings I hadn't felt in a long time.. he made me laugh.. he made me smile.. he made me happy ! I now see him as a gift and I think about him now and I say to myself "lucky me.. lucky me!"  

Late Thursday morning on April 3rd as he was getting in the cab that would take him to the airport in Arizona to catch his flight to LA.. I said to him "I feel like Im never going to see you again" then came... The Last Kiss... God gave me my goodbye.

Needless to say.. tonights dinner with the girs was a blast, thats just what happens when you get a few fun girls together though.. We did a little "Paint My Piggies"... We all ended the night with glamorous sparkly toes!  .... and forzen yogurt:)

Goodbye 2008

It is time to say goodbye to another year... I am not sad to say goodbye to 2008 at all, it has been a rough one so I am happy to see it go. What I am sad about is another year gone by means my babies are a year older. 

I have gone back and forth about becoming a "blogger", I don't fit the typical "blogger" description but I am sick of Facebook.. who can really be a good friend to 200 friends at a time? Its not family friendly. Needless to say I have joined the "blogger" family and am excited to see pictures and read about my friends families. Maybe I will even make new friends along the way.

A little about "me"

I love my kids!!! who doesn't? Duncan is 5 and he is my angel.. everyone tells me how hard their boys are but not mine.. yes he is a boy so he can be rough but he is the sweetest thing alive! Duncan is a protector... he sticks up for the less likely to be liked and roots for the underdog ALWAYS! he's got my back... i don't have a choice. I LOVE HIM!

Lily Breeze is 4.. she thinks she's 20, oh no! Lily wants her hair done perfect, wants makeup and perfume on. It is a fight everyday why I do other girls nails long but I won't make hers long.. (I do nails) She makes her bed the minute she gets up and if someone messes it up we are all in trouble. Lily could follow me around all day and be happy, she loves her mommy! and I LOVE HER!

London is 3... she is the baby and we are all scared of her LOL she is rough and tough and can take us all down, she is so cute that we let her. She colors on everything and still wont leave her hair in a clip or a bow... she is a walking tornado! I LOVE HER!!

I am me :) Brianne Duncan Sitterud. 

I am a happy person! I have had sad times but I always pull through.. I have a great family and great friends. I am a strong person! I am a single mom and I am strong for them. Strength comes from within... not the kind that comes from the gym. I hate the gym, I don't like the thought of breathing everyones breathe.. yuck! I like to run, I run run run. I love to be with friends yet I also love to be alone... I can go to a movie or go shopping alone and be perfectly happy :) I love art, its in my blood i guess. I love artistic people! I want to be more helpful to others. I like to color with my kids, it's fun and they love it when I color with them. I am happy when I am outside!!

We had a very fun and happy Christmas! I hope you all did.. Merry late Christmas!